If you don't like what you are getting, change what you are giving!
2020 was a terrible year for just about everyone. I went into 2021 believing life could only get better. I mean, could anything be as atrocious as 2020? Then October of 2021 came, and my dad suddenly was very ill with Covid-19, succumbing to the illness just a few weeks later. January 14, 2023, would have been my dad's 66th birthday. With each significant passing day that reminds me of dad, I remember how horrible 2021 was for my family and me.
Again, keeping with my blindly wishful assumptions from previous New Year resolutions, I started 2022 thinking nothing could be worse than 2021. The first six months of 2022 were more challenging than managing and processing the reality of losing my dad.
The last three years make me want to not "wish" for anything in 2023.
Are you like me, at least to a small extent, and are so wishing for 2023 to be the year that life goes well? If that is you, I wrote this blog with you in mind. These are the words I wish someone would have told me in April of 2022.
Remember, the ideas and thoughts to come are not the "gospel" for you. Please read God's Word and take time to listen to His whisper. This blog shares how God is currently renewing my mind and transforming my heart into His perfect and pleasing will (Romans 12:2). I add this clarifier because I do not wish to project my pain, story, and drama onto you but to give you insights into God's faithfulness and love for both you and me! My sanctification story is ongoing; join me in learning to be a person after God's heart!
I asked myself this question more than any other in 2022, "Why does every day feel like a battle just to survive, be faithful, and not bash my head into a wall?" Here is another version of the same question, "Why is it so hard to remain faithful to Jesus when I love Him so much?"
Why were 2020, 2021, and 2022 so tricky?
Have you ever asked these questions?
Why is this the case for so many of us, including me?
Here is what I have learned so far in 2023: If I don't like what I'm getting, I need to change what I'm giving!
The Apostle Paul in Romans 12:2 says, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good, pleasing, and perfect." (NLT)
This well-known, powerful verse speaks directly to a common problem many of us face in 2023 America: a war between truth and lies is happening within all of us. The battle of lies against you might be your politics. The struggle of lies against you might be your self-talk. I've learned I sin because I believe in a lie about what will make me happy. This lie comes from the world around us. In Live No Lies, John Mark Comer, a book I highly recommend you read in 2023, defines the world as "cultural norms that discount the truths of scripture."
Let me share a little about my spiritual journey last month, January 2023, as God continues to transform my mind away from the temptations of this world and back into His perfect and pleasing will.
One of my goals in 2023 is to read the Bible in a year, something I have never done. Forty-five days in and still going strong! A few weeks ago, I read Matthew 6:24, where Jesus says, "No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and be enslaved to money."
Jesus isn't saying He hated money. Jesus isn't saying that abject poverty is the only way to live for eternal life. Jesus is not anti-wealth. Matthew 6:24 is not about wealth. Jesus is teaching about the competition He has with our hearts. The accumulation of stuff is the accumulation of the worries of this life. The desire for other things, people, and dreams competes with our intimacy with God.
One of the many areas of my life that may cause me not to be faithful to Christ is my dependence on the happiness I get from what my money can give me. Far too much of my self-care and self-love depends on the ability to regularly buy clothes, go out for a nice meal, go on an epic adventure, etc. I am struggling with trying to serve two masters. My self-care and self-confidence are far too often reliant on something other than Jesus' love for me.
Jesus is not giving us an excuse for our sins but a way out of our sins - himself.
What is blurring your vision of God's love for you? What is numbing your obedience to God's whisper in your life?
I purposely spent the last week of 2022 asking God, "What should I fast from (surrender) in January 2023 so that I may further surrender my heart, mind, and soul to you?" His answer was clear, "Fast from spending money in January. It would be best if you relied more on what I can do for you than what your hard-earned money can do for you."
I hated hearing this from God. Sara and I spent a lot of time in 2022 reworking our family budget to give more resources to self-care funds, hoping that more intentional self-care efforts will make us healthier people. While not bad or wrong, our actions made us more dependent on our ability to care for ourselves than relying more on God for love and peace.
Therefore, I listened to God's guidance, and out of obedience (nothing else could get me to say yes to a "spending fast"), Sara and I committed to a "spending fast." Our spending fast meant we could only spend on "needs."
Here is a list of needs versus wants for us:
Wants we could not spend on:
Digital Media: home internet, Netflix, Disney+ (we kept Spotify as Sara uses it for her classroom)
Food: Starbucks, coffee for me, going out to eat
Fun/Entertainment: Date nights not in the home (i.e., movie theater, sporting events)
Buying clothes, shoes, and make-up: If you know us well, then you see this category was probably the hardest for us to accept
Travel: the only exception for this was snow skiing. We planned for skiing expenses in advance but took our lunches instead of buying food at the lodges.
Needs we could spend on:
Tithe: Tithe is a non-negotiable for us. Tithe comes before food, bills, etc.
Groceries: We asked ourselves if the items we bought were needs or wants, so it wasn't a free pass just because we bought it at Krogers. Ice Cream is a good example.
Bills: I assume this is self-explanatory
It would be an understatement to say this was hard for us to remain obedient to, but I am grateful to share that with the Lord as our helper; we did it!
Our spending fast ended on February 1, four days after our 2008 Silverado bit the dust. Little did we know that God was preparing our hearts and minds for one of the most challenging decisions a couple has to make together: buying a new-to-us-car.
It's crazy how different our minds and hearts are toward the purchase of a new car. In the past, before we submitted our finances entirely to Him, we would have quickly made a sound financial decision and purchased a vehicle. Now, post our spending fast, the questions we are asking are far different than every other car buying process from the past. It is crazy how often we have asked, "Do we need that nice of a car, or do we want that nice of a car?"
Is there anything wrong with buying a car? Not necessarily. Each situation and family budget is different. Although I'm not too fond of the stress of car-buying, purchasing a car is not evil. Ha.
So what has changed in us? How might God have transformed our minds toward his perfect and pleasing will? He taught us we have two masters: Him and money.
For me, the master of money looked like going to Lululemon and buying an awesome new sweatshirt or joggers because I needed a pick-me-up after a hard day. For Sara, it may look like going to Starbucks so she can get through the second half of a hard school day. Is either of these things inherently sinful? Of course not. But for me, at least, my emotional dependency on material things and the anticipation for our next big trip had become a sin. God needed to transform my mind and heart because I had a master greater than Him; money.
What is your master? God, money, career, kids, relationship status, identity, etc.?
If you don't like what you are getting, you need to change what you are giving!
Learn from us, give up (surrender) to God what matters most to you, and you will receive more than you can ever expect. For us, it was gaining new freedom over money, wants, and the need to control our emotional and mental health.
I am so thankful we did a "spending fast," I strongly encourage you to pray about doing one, too.